You are what you love: ‘being’ and ‘having’

Goddess News‘ axiom:

‘If you want to be spiritual, ask uncomfortable questions,’

Goddess News, Spiritual Blog, Divine Feminine, Dr Joanna Kujawa, Spiritual Detective :).

This month’s Goddess News newsletter/blog is going to be a little different, a little more personal. I would like to tell you a story of how I found myself on a quest to find the goddess. A goddess for me is the missing link. The stories we are told, the conditioning – both social and religious – somehow does not tell us the whole story and, ultimately, what we are conditioned to do and believe does not serve us.

We can ask ourselves, ‘Why even try and not leave things as they are?  And the famous quote by St. Augustine comes to my mind, ’If not now then when?’ and we could add, ‘If not you (and I) then who?’ Because what is more important than the quest for Self-knowledge? And who would undertake this quest if not – we?

It was not necessarily my intention to share my story but some of you have so generously shared your journeys via Facebook messages and emails or in private meetings that I feel it is my turn now.  I must say that I feel extremely self-conscious speaking so personally to you and revealing myself to you. But if we can’t be honest with ourselves and with those who journey with us, if we can’t honour our deepest passions, how can we expect the goddess – the Divine Feminine – to reveal herself to us?

Some of you were perhaps drawn to the goddess or some concept of her right away or early in your lives, but not I. Perhaps because I was raised by women, I have been fascinated by men. Almost by default, I began to study Christian philosophy at a university next door to where I lived. All the priests I knew had PhDs and were magnificent teachers. I was aware of, and benefitted emotionally from, the archetype of the Virgin Mary but by my 20s I started to feel that she was not telling the full story of the goddess. When I migrated to Canada, I continued my studies and reading about saints and kings and dogmas. The dogma never bothered me then. But even then there was something in my nature, some rebellious vitality, some elan vital that prevented me from continuing on this path of the mainstream academic. Travelling and the sweet power of life were calling me. Eventually I found myself in Australia, and at the lowest moment in my life (the end of a tumultuous romance and finding myself broke after finishing my PhD) I met two men who claimed to have discovered the house and tomb of Jesus in the Holy Land. My heart was set on fire, and I did not know why. But while their trip was about the tomb and house of Jesus, mine took a different turn. One of the adventurers, Steve, gave me a book, The Gospel of Mary Magdalene.

I was stunned to learn that in all my years of studies in Catholic institutions I have never heard of it. Throughout our trip to Jerusalem I was obsessed with Mary Magdalene. I wrote the book I was commissioned to write, Jerusalem Diary: Searching for the Tomb and House of Jesus, although I was not allowed to write anything too personal, but privately I began to study Mary Magdalene, and through her the study of the goddess opened for me. I began to notice that the story of the goddess has a theme – a theme of loss and repression. And I began to notice that through the ages there were periods when she was almost resurrected. I looked around and saw how we all, both women and men, personally and collectively suffer from this repression. I noticed how difficult it was for women to express their power without losing their femininity (and I for once had finally begun to truly cherish my own femininity and my power). I noticed also that men often unconsciously long for the Divine Feminine – both powerful and sensual.  They, too, are caught in the mother, seductress, virgin circle – that women were limited to for millennia. It also saw that there were age-old and often secret traditions who worshiped the goddess in her full power (not only as a mother or a virgin), and that these traditions were often repressed.

Today we live in a world completely out of balance, where the worst qualities and energies are in power, creating destruction and assaulting our souls and nature. I believe and hope that the bringing of the goddess into full view can help to heal these imbalances within our own beings and in the world. Without the goddess, we can’t bring this balance back. Indeed, the Gnostics spoke about spiritual androgyny. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychoanalyst, spoke of anima and animus – the feminine and masculine powers within our psyches that need to be brought to balance, our yin and yang.  Tantra goes a little farther, taking a more sensual path, whereby the feminine and masculine join in sexual ecstasy to open the door to a heightened state of consciousness which is, as many believe, our highest potential – complete oneness with both the Divine and with all Creation. I also believe this to be our ultimate state of belonging. So, I hope I have not scared you with my passion and my inner fire, and that we can go on this journey together to re-discover and to explore the full potential of the goddess in our lives.

Practical application or Workbook for the Goddess News Spiritual Blog:

At the deepest level, we are whole, but in this world of creation we are only potentially whole.  Thus:

1. Describe yourself as you see yourself now (‘good and bad’)
2. Describe yourself as you believe you could be if you were whole (fulfilled)
3. Now look at the second description honestly and ask yourself without any judgement: is the whole you (the fulfilled you) in a sphere of ‘having’ or ‘being’?
4. By ‘having’, I mean having a particular partner, house, car, etc or receiving a lot of recognition. By ‘being’ I mean the longing for the sense of completeness, wholeness and connection. This can be present as a deep longing, a desire that you cannot really name. Dream, write, draw this – name this. This longing is the goddess (treasure) you need to recover in your life or make peace with.

Sometimes there may be an apparent ‘conflict’ between the spheres of ‘having’ and ‘being’.

My own answers, or confession of a conflict between ‘being’ and ‘having’:

For example, I love being in front of people and speaking yet I am happiest hiding away and writing.

Also I love getting recognition (my ‘having’ sphere) but at the deepest level I want to share knowledge I find essential for our well-being, even if it is considered esoteric or secretive by mainstream channels.

So how do we resolve an apparent ‘conflict’ between ‘having’ and ‘being’?

Einstein said, ‘You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created the problem’ which means we have to reach out to the ‘higher mind’ (Sophia).  Both Rumi and St Francis said, ‘You are what you love’ – suggesting that we need to reach out to the feeling of unity and peace rather than analyse our inner conflicts. So what do I love?  I love writing and talking about secret traditions believing there is a great truth hidden there. Even if this does not give me mainstream recognition or fame.

So, in truth, all answers depend on one question, ‘What do you love?’

Ask this question and then walk through the door xxx

Sending Love, Joanna

Goddess News

Spiritual Blog

Dr Joanna Kujawa

©Joanna Kujawa