You are what you love: ‘being’ and ‘having’

one with the land or asleep

Goddess News‘ axiom:

‘If you want to be spiritual, ask uncomfortable questions,’

Goddess News, Spiritual Blog, Divine Feminine, Dr Joanna Kujawa, Spiritual Detective :).


This month’s Goddess News newsletter/blog is going to be a little different, a little more personal. I would like to tell you a story of how I found myself on a quest to find the goddess. A goddess for me is the missing link. The stories we are told, the conditioning – both social and religious – somehow does not tell us the whole story and, ultimately, what we are conditioned to do and believe does not serve us.

We can ask ourselves, ‘Why even try and not leave things as they are?  And the famous quote by St. Augustine comes to my mind, ’If not now then when?’ and we could add, ‘If not you (and I) then who?’ Because what is more important than the quest for Self-knowledge? And who would undertake this quest if not – we?

It was not necessarily my intention to share my story but some of you have so generously shared your journeys via Facebook messages and emails or in private meetings that I feel it is my turn now.  I must say that I feel extremely self-conscious speaking so personally to you and revealing myself to you. But if we can’t be honest with ourselves and with those who journey with us, if we can’t honour our deepest passions, how can we expect the goddess – the Divine Feminine – to reveal herself to us?

Some of you were perhaps drawn to the goddess or some concept of her right away or early in your lives, but not I. Perhaps because I was raised by women, I have been fascinated by men. Almost by default, I began to study Christian philosophy at a university next door to where I lived. All the priests I knew had PhDs and were magnificent teachers. I was aware of, and benefitted emotionally from, the archetype of the Virgin Mary but by my 20s I started to feel that she was not telling the full story of the goddess. When I migrated to Canada, I continued my studies and reading about saints and kings and dogmas. The dogma never bothered me then. But even then there was something in my nature, some rebellious vitality, some elan vital that prevented me from continuing on this path of the mainstream academic. Travelling and the sweet power of life were calling me. Eventually I found myself in Australia, and at the lowest moment in my life (the end of a tumultuous romance and finding myself broke after finishing my PhD) I met two men who claimed to have discovered the house and tomb of Jesus in the Holy Land. My heart was set on fire, and I did not know why. But while their trip was about the tomb and house of Jesus, mine took a different turn. One of the adventurers, Steve, gave me a book, The Gospel of Mary Magdalene.Gospel of MM

I was stunned to learn that in all my years of studies in Catholic institutions I have never heard of it. Throughout our trip to Jerusalem I was obsessed with Mary Magdalene. I wrote the book I was commissioned to write, Jerusalem Diary: Searching for the Tomb and House of Jesus, although I was not allowed to write anything too personal, but privately I began to study Mary Magdalene, and through her the study of the goddess opened for me. I began to notice that the story of the goddess has a theme – a theme of loss and repression. And I began to notice that through the ages there were periods when she was almost resurrected. I looked around and saw how we all, both women and men, personally and collectively suffer from this repression. I noticed how difficult it was for women to express their power without losing their femininity (and I for once had finally begun to truly cherish my own femininity and my power). I noticed also that men often unconsciously long for the Divine Feminine – both powerful and sensual.  They, too, are caught in the mother, seductress, virgin circle – that women were limited to for millennia. It also saw that there were age-old and often secret traditions who worshiped the goddess in her full power (not only as a mother or a virgin), and that these traditions were often repressed.

Today we live in a world completely out of balance, where the worst qualities and energies are in power, creating destruction and assaulting our souls and nature. I believe and hope that the bringing of the goddess into full view can help to heal these imbalances within our own beings and in the world. Without the goddess, we can’t bring this balance back. Indeed, the Gnostics spoke about spiritual androgyny. Carl Jung, the Swiss psychoanalyst, twospoke of anima and animus – the feminine and masculine powers within our psyches that need to be brought to balance, our yin and yang.  Tantra goes a little farther, taking a more sensual path, whereby the feminine and masculine join in sexual ecstasy to open the door to a heightened state of consciousness which is, as many believe, our highest potential – complete oneness with both the Divine and with all Creation. I also believe this to be our ultimate state of belonging. So, I hope I have not scared you with my passion and my inner fire, and that we can go on this journey together to re-discover and to explore the full potential of the goddess in our lives.

Practical application or Workbook for the Goddess News Spiritual Blog:

doorAt the deepest level, we are whole, but in this world of creation we are only potentially whole.  Thus:

  1. Describe yourself as you see yourself now (‘good and bad’)
  2. Describe yourself as you believe you could be if you were whole (fulfilled)
  3. Now look at the second description honestly and ask yourself without any judgement: is the whole you (the fulfilled you) in a sphere of ‘having’ or ‘being’?
  4. By ‘having’, I mean having a particular partner, house, car, etc or receiving a lot of recognition. By ‘being’ I mean the longing for the sense of completeness, wholeness and connection. This can be present as a deep longing, a desire that you cannot really name. Dream, write, draw this – name this. This longing is the goddess (treasure) you need to recover in your life or make peace with.

Sometimes there may be an apparent ‘conflict’ between the spheres of ‘having’ and ‘being’.

My own answers, or confession of a conflict between ‘being’ and ‘having’:

For example, I love being in front of people and speaking yet I am happiest hiding away do what you loveand writing.

Also I love getting recognition (my ‘having’ sphere) but at the deepest level I want to share knowledge I find essential for our well-being, even if it is considered esoteric or secretive by mainstream channels.

So how do we resolve an apparent ‘conflict’ between ‘having’ and ‘being’?

Einstein said, ‘You can’t solve a problem with the same mind that created the problem’ which means we have to reach out to the ‘higher mind’ (Sophia).  Both Rumi and St Francis said, ‘You are what you love’ – suggesting that we need to reach out to the feeling of unity and peace rather than analyse our inner conflicts. So what do I love?  I love writing and talking about secret traditions believing there is a great truth hidden there. Even if this does not give me mainstream recognition or fame.

So, in truth, all answers depend on one question, ‘What do you love?’

Ask this question and then walk through the door xxx

Sending Love, Joanna

Goddess News

Spiritual Blog

Dr Joanna Kujawa

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8 Responses to You are what you love: ‘being’ and ‘having’

  1. Ian Robinson says:

    WOW Sudari!! What a beautiful exposé of the inner you. I feel SO privileged to have shared this journey – as I’m sure others do too. I have always reckoned that Shamir is a truly fortunate man to have you in his life. And now I know this to be true. Thank you for your candid revelations. We are much blessed!

    • Admin says:

      Thank you Ian! You are a wonderful friend. Trust me – it took a bit of courage to do that. I had a coffee with a friend and we were talking about the blog and spiritual journeys and I realised that to truly share something we really need to share ourselves as well. So I gathered up my courage and wrote this blog. Thank you for your encouraging feedback because as we write we never know if anyone has any response to this – so it is really and truly beautiful – to get your feedback. Thank you with all mu heart!

  2. Gregory says:

    Beautifully written. I love hearing others stories, it’s such an inspiration. As a man I’ve come to know Sophia so closely these past couple years and it has changed my life. We now shall, hopefully, have a woman president in the USA and there will be a woman Prime Minister, so I feel the world is definitely changing from old patriarchal standard, though I hope it does go matriarchal either. What I hope for is equality of the yin and yang and women finding the sacred masculine as well as the feminine.

    • Admin says:

      Hi G,
      Thank you! I totally agree with you in terms of politics and balance. I am not interested in matriarchy but more so in balancing the energies of the feminine and masculine in a meaningful way – we need both and we need both to be empowered and mindful of their power and potential. It takes lots of self-awareness and courage to do that – so I am working on it :). Thank you for the wonderful feedback and good to hear from you again :)

  3. Linda McLeod says:

    Courageous warrior woman! Thank you for your trust and faith Joanna, vulnerability is transforming for us all, the author and the listener. I use the term listener because although we read your words our hearts hear your truth, i am seeing the power of the divine feminine in my life currently and there is such beauty, strength, and grace that is revealed. You have touched something sacred within me, namaste brave one ❤

    • Admin says:

      Thank you Linda. I was shy to share this because I do not want to make it about me. But I had a coffee with a friend and as I listened to her I realised that the best way to connect with people is to truly reveal yourself. And, really, it was amazing how over the last couple of weeks, people were sending me messages about their journeys – not knowing me apart from the blog or a FB page and I thought that they were so courageous and it was my time to share. I am so happy that we connected so well – this is not common journey and often goes against mainstream flow – so we need to support each other and share our stories on the journeys. Thank you and Namaste xxxx
      Warrior woman? Yeah! I am feeling Durga/Kali in my veins as I am reading your comment 🙂

  4. Joanna-
    Thank you so very much for sharing this. It was exactly what I needed. This is my favorite post so far. I loved your honesty and willingness to share how you really feel. I wish I was able to do this more in public settings. You are such an amazing human being and I am so lucky to have you as a friend. Thank you also for the things to think about this week. As you know, I am struggling right now with having and being.
    love and hugs.
    Jan Louise

    • Admin says:

      Jan – so good to hear from you! I was wondering if you find the blog useful so it is good to hear your feedback :). I know the struggle between ‘being’ and ‘having’ well and still walk the fine line between them. There was a time right after my PhD that the struggle nearly destroyed me. What I have learned from that (and it is very personal and probably different for everyone) is this kind of struggle is often a mirror of an inner struggle between conflicting parts of ourselves and it will not go away until we make a choice. My partner helped me by telling me that balance is the key while I have always believed that a decisive action was the answer. But life is often complicated and there are no simple answers. But I will still dare to say, that if something asks for a complete self-sacrifice of what makes us alive (what we love) then it is not the ‘right’ thing for us. I truly believe that the great power out there and within us wants to reach our full potential and live in joy. So I am still doing the ballerina act on the tight rope and this blog is my ray of light towards ‘being’ ;). And, I am so lucky to have you for a friend! Remember the good time we had in Crete? 🙂

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