If you want to be spiritual, ask uncomfortable questions,’ Goddess News, Spiritual Blog, Divine Feminine,
Dr Joanna Kujawa, Spiritual Detective :).
The idea for this blog came to me as an amalgamation of
several topics that interest me and which I intend to write as separate blogs.
But this particular take on my blog has called upon me because last weekend I
returned to my novel, which I have not touched in any serious way since 2014
and which I completely abandoned in 2016 after some attempts at a quick fix (which
does not exist) and out of a lack of time due to professional demands.
Last weekend, after a brave revisiting of the novel, I realised that the main and undercurrent movement of the theme there is a shift from disempowerment to the empowerment of the heroine. This is not, however, disempowerment in some general terms that I am exploring there, but, rather her sensual and emotional disempowerment within a romantic and sexually addictive relationship. As I read a few chapters of my novel, I quickly realised that the theme is not about the relationship with the male protagonist who stays very much in the shadows, but about the heroine’s relationship with herself and her own power. The central questions are probably: ‘How did she lose her power? And how can she regain it?’
This is a very important point to emphasise (I will elaborate later), as it is entirely up to her. It is not dependant on her circumstances. And not up to the man – who would be all too easy to blame, but dependant on her own power and how she chooses to give it away (at least in the beginning). This led me to reflect on how women generally give up their power in relationships, how young girls lose this power around puberty and regain it often only as older women after menopause. Most importantly, I wonder how the concept of the Goddess had been diminished in history.
Essentially, ‘what the hell has happened?’
So, let me share my reflections and observations here, not necessarily in a systematic way, but organically and intuitively, as I look at some of my beloved spiritual and cultural traditions: Tantra, Ancient Greek mythology, Christianity and Gnosticism, in particular.
Even after many years, I still remember the moment when, about 15-or-so years ago, I was attending a private study group lead by a Sanskrit and Tantric Scholar, a swami and a Tibetan Buddhist monk. I was the only woman in the group and I was honoured also as such. As we were delving into chapter 29 of the 10th century Tantric text describing the use of women in sexual ritual for spiritual attainment, I asked the translator of the work, ‘What happened to the women after the ritual? And, ‘what if they got pregnant?’ The man threw his arms in the air with a ‘Who knows?’ expression. This was the first sign for me that something was amiss. The book that we were discussing sensually depicted the women invited to the ritual as slim-waisted with breasts like the fruit of bimba trees, and ideally from low societal strata. The reason for the last requirement was that the men performing the ritual wanted to attain enlightenment by breaking the rigid rules of Hindu dogma and all its restrictions. The rebellious part of the Tantra appealed to the heretic and rebel in me to such a degree that I did not even notice that I was identifying with the rebellious spirit of the men and up to that point had not considered the women! That is, until I asked the crucial question: ‘what happens to them and what if they got pregnant?’ To which nobody had an answer.
To be fair, the women in the ritual were worshipped as the personification of the Goddess Shakti and the ritual itself was beautiful and sensual – and I have no doubt was sexually enjoyable. At the end the Brahmins (men from the highest cast and priests) said a prayer to their sexual partners, ‘I worship you oh Goddess.’ The purpose of the ritual was for male and female to merge not only sexually but also psychologically and spiritually and attain spiritual enlightenment or at least gain a deep spiritual experience. In itself, this was a revolutionary idea and appealed to my interest in sexuality as a spiritual experience. That part was a great discovery for me.
However, it does not take much research or observation to
notice that Tantra, which was initially intended as a worship of the Goddess, in
this case had become a tool for the upper-class
Brahmins, while the female participants, after being worshipped for a couple of
hours, were discarded in the name of non-attachment. Let me rephrase this: the
Brahmins got their spiritual experience by breaking all the rules and the women
were tools which were disposed of (also in the name of some spiritual virtue of
Do you see my point?
To make the story even stranger, historically the Tantra came to life as a rebellious response to the traditional Hinduism and all its prohibitions. Tantra was intended to include all and everything (including women). Indeed, one the prominent mothers of this tradition was Ardha-Tryambaka – a woman. In scholarly terms, her tradition was called adhyusta-pitha or the ‘three-and-a-half tradition’ (after her name). The whole Kula tradition comes from her. And yet, somehow within a few generations the tradition had become again about the attainment of the upper-class men (the Brahmins) and not the women. I truly doubt that this was the original intention of Ardha-Tryambaka, a woman.
In my opinion, this use of ‘Tantra’ still disadvantages, rather than empowers, women because it has a long history of doing so. Somewhere along the way it was appropriated to serve the needs of the privileged, although its initial intention was to include and liberate the rejected (including women).
Before I had even heard about Tantra (in its original or corrupted versions), I had been enamoured with the Ancient Greek myths. As a young girl, I loved reading about the Greek Goddesses and fantasising about which one I would like to be. It usually came down to some unorthodox mix between Athena, the Goddess of Wisdom, Aphrodite, the Goddess of Love and Beauty, and Artemis, the Goddess of the Woods (who was very independent and adventurous). Although my first choice was always Athena, I also loved the sensuality of Aphrodite and the independence of Artemis. And this is where the problem lies; in the strict delineation in Greek mythology between wisdom, feminine beauty and sexuality, and feminine independence. Somehow, they could not exist in the one entity which I created for myself: a woman/Goddess who is wise, sexy and independent.
This changed a little when I read my favourite book of all time, The Odyssey. But even that reading was riddled with complications. First of all, I did not give a hoot about the faithful Penelope who waited for Odysseus for 20 years. Secondly, for me the main characters of the Odyssey were the gorgeous, sexy and cunning nymphs, such as Calypso and Circe. Thirdly, I, too, wanted to have adventures like Odysseus and I thought that Penelope, his wife, should have her own, instead of waiting for him. I thought then and still think she is a bore! So, as a young girl, I quickly decided I wanted to be a nymph. Why not? As a nymph you are independent, you live on a private island which is under your rule and you are free to go on adventures. However, I was quickly told, in voices intended to shush me, how inappropriate my ideas were about being a nymph. Nymphs … well … were nymphomaniacs and had a very negative connotation. I could not comprehend for the life of me how these intelligent, independent Goddesses of nature could be portrayed as being constantly sexually starved, stupid and ridiculous.
Only many years later, after I began to study Mary Magdalene, did I notice that the same happened to her. The wise, beautiful and sensual companion of Jesus has been demeaned as a whore in mainstream Christianity and conveniently replaced by the other, virginal, Mary.
Do you see the pattern?
The same has happened with other empowered Goddess of the
past, be they Inanna, Ishtar, or Hathor (you can read this in my blog http://www.joannakujawa.com/inanna-ishtar-isis-mary-magdalene-recovering-the-lineage-of-the-lost-goddess-and-other-stolen-stories/).
Very recently, also, I was asked by Aeon Byte Gnostic Radio to comment on a wonderful interview with Celene Lillie, the author of The Rape of Eve: The Transformation of Roman Ideology in Three Early Christian Retellings of Genesis. In her book, Lillie draws our attention to the themes of sexual violence in Ancient Rome and in the Judeo-Christian scriptures. For me, however, the most interesting part of the interview and the book is her insights into three Gnostic sources discovered in 1945 in Nag Hammadi: On the Origin of the World, The Reality of the Rulers, and the Secret Revelation of John. Although, in these sources, Eve (symbolising the feminine) is also portrayed as abused ‘and humiliated by cosmic powers. She, however, recovers with Adam by her side. And even though this is not exactly a story of empowerment, it is a brave attempt at retelling the story of Eve, acknowledging her trials and giving her hope. Another element of this retelling I like is the placement of Adam by her side, as he, too, is victimised, not by Eve’s deception as the orthodox traditions would have it but by the villainous powers of the world.
And together they rise.
The reason I like this interpretation is that it creates a space for gender reconciliation. But this reconciliation can be made possible only by creating and embracing new Archetypes of the Feminine and new Archetypes of the Masculine. Just as I felt when a young girl reading the Ancient Greek myths. The old myths were a bad first draft. The appropriation of the feminine to serve old religious systems has to change. The portrayal of the masculine as abusive patriarchs who somehow are still called ‘men of God’ has to change. Otherwise, all the inter-religious ‘dialogues’ steeped in the old religious traditions with long histories of abuse are just another face of the old system.
I would love to hear your thoughts on this one in your comments.
As you know I love
conducting Journaling Workshops and here, I would ask you a few questions:
was the first moment (that you remember) of your disempowerment? How did it feel? And what triggered it?
there any other seminal points of disempowerment in your life? And if so, how did they relate to the first
that these moments of disempowerment are brought to your attention, forgive
yourself and embrace yourself as you are.
They are our learning points. It
is a mythical story of the descent which proceed the hero/ine’s movement upward
and facilitate self-knowledge.
remember the moment of empowerment of taking a brave action or a stand for
yourself. Describe it in detail. The
feeling of it. Notice how different it
feels from the previous experiences.
now on, every time you need to make a decision, check the feeling in your body
and go with the action or a thought that brings up the feeling of empowerment
and self-love. When you do, make a note
of it. Physically write it down. Embrace
it even if it feels strange at first.
Walk bravely, my friend. This is
the play of Your Consciousness. Be the
narrator of your life.
Dr Joanna Kujawa